dreams

i don't remember exactly what my dream was about but there's this girl in my dream. i think i saw her in my dreams before too. that was a long time ago but i don't remember when. i do remember something about a salon and her giving me a haircut. today i dreamt that i was walking on the street and i came across her. i had something in my eye that she offered to take out with her handkerchief. i told her i had a handkerchief of my own but she told me to use hers. i did that and i also told her i'd give it back once i've cleaned it. she came inside a house and it had a greenish teal gate and i assumed that was her house so i tried making note of what it looked like so i can come and give her handkerchief back. i was speaking in english with her. she looked caucasian. she had blonde her but the roots were dark brown and it was shoulder length and straight. she was tall and she had a full sleeve on one arm and then a couple of tattoos on the other. she wore just a shirt and jeans if i remember correctly but i noted that she had a really good sense of style and it actually looked very gay. i remember she was also really beautiful and probably way out of my league but she seemed like she was hitting on me. such a weird dream considering i've seen her twice and i don't know anyone in real life that looks like her. i don't know what to make of it. i'm probably just gay and single as fuck. after that dream though i started becoming aware again, and that's how i remember that i've seen her in a previous dream.

i had another fucking nightmare. two days in a row. the reason i don't update this much is because i generally don't like talking about my dreams but here goes. i had a dream about a fight with my sister... again. i fucking hate this shit. i was crying in my sleep and i had sleep paralysis too. i felt this really terrible pain in my chest probably from not breathing properly since i was crying too much. i knew i had to wake up but my body was so exhausted it couldn't and so i spent 4 good hours fighting to wakeup. i fucking hate this shit. i forgot about it earlier but i just remembered how much my chest was hurting it genuinely scares me.

i wasn't going to ever make this page and i probably won't update this as much. but i had a dream today that made me change my mind because i want to remember this.

okay so i fell asleep listening to murder, mystery, and makeup by bailey sarian so this probably contributes to the level of fucked up this dream was. from what i can remember, i was riding in like a van with other people and we saw this girl hanging under a bridge and i swear i can literally see how grotesque the face of this girl is. she was wearing a white and black dress and was pale and her face looks hardened and she looked asian. it was just a small child. then this whole investigation happened and it was in the papers and rumours had it that the girl was actually murdered by this serial killer who likes to stage their kills as suicides but then display the victims in such public places. then i was suddenly at my sister's house where i used to live for two years except some rooms looked differently. i remember panicking because this serial killer was on the run and randomly killing people and i was scared it would get to us. everything looked eerie and then some more things happened that i already forgot about. also at some point i grew conscious that i was dreaming (i can lucid dream). so i calmed myself down and told myself it wasn't real and that i'm alright. then i went and started manifesting the places i wanted to go to. it wasn't easy and i didn't really succeed so i just had to work with where i was. i remember i kept walking around and seeing all these people. it was at night and i was in some kind of shady neighborhood yet there were people everywhere. then (and i do this every time i lucid dream which is so fucked up i don't know why i do it) i started looking for people to fuck. i think i eventually lost awareness and it started becoming real again.