updates, mind dump, short rants, vents etc.

25/09/2020

[9:57 AM] – hi bitches i'm sorry i haven't been updating. i'll try later lol im currently working but i am laying down and i feel like falling asleep ugh


22/09/2020

[4:31 am] – you're allowed to dislike anyone. you're allowed to not feel someone's vibe for you own reasons. but the moment you get out of your way to make them feel it, you're a cuntwad. specially if they have literally done nothing bad to you.

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[2:33 AM] – sorry for my inactivity i'm really busy with work and also just very lazy in general!!!


16/09/2020

[12:31 AM] – broke my sobriety! i am not getting drunk though just a glass of wine. also who knew my knowledge of html would come in handy.


15/09/2020

[9:30 PM] – working. really tempted to have a glass of wine to wake me up. maybe i will.


14/09/2020

[5:43 am] – this guy i work with keeps viewing my stories but he doesn't follow me and it's kind of creeping me out because it means he's deliberately checking my account for story updates. and like, why? you do not need to know about my life dude lol. there's literally only 3-4 people who view my stories on ig because i have only 412 followers and most of them accounts are inactive. that's why i notice. people be so weird. speaking of social media, i've been spending so much time there again and i need to get off it. i literally keep uninstalling facebook and then installing it back every 2 hours.


11/09/2020

[1:41 am] – i'm on my lunch break minus the lunch. i haven't updated my tv page but i've been enjoying watching big bang theory! oml sheldon is insufferable as an adult.


07/09/2020

[11:26 pm] – sorry i haven't updated my diary for two days my anxiety has been really bad lately.


03/09/2020

[9:47 pm] - okay so my salary is 52% higher than my previous office job which ayeeee i feel amazing about. also, something unrelated (or related?) that i have been meaning to write down. the universe keeps sending me messages that the world works in my favor and i need to actually start seeing it.

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[7:40 pm] - just bought some essential oil rollers online. one is for anxiety and one is frankincense. hopefully it will help with my anxiety.

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[2:44 am] -cannot sleep. also just found out one of my favorite youtubers has died =(


02/09/2020

[5:35 pm] - just got off another zoom meeting. my niece is so cute right now lol. she keeps clicking her tongue at me.


01/09/2020

[7:26 pm] - rewatching juliantina's live for like the third time. i love them so much they are so beautiful and perfect and oh my god they both sound really good when they speak in english.

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01/09/2020

[2:35 pm] - i've been noticing a lack of depth and insight in most of my recent entries compared to when i initially started this journal. i guess my explanation for that is, well. i am a lot more comfortable here now than i used to be. i used to think i was writing for somebody and now im just writing. so i guess i don't feel obliged to squeeze out inspiration or passion or even an effort to make sense. i used to check for grammar errors a lot and now i sometimes read back and notice something i said that could've been phrased better or was just wrong, and now i don't feel too bad about them because they're more truthful that way. (unless it's a typo i can't bear not editing that lol) i am a lot more comfortable unveiling myself here and a lot of the times im someone without a lot of coherent thoughts.

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[12:00 pm] –i'm in my zoom meeting with my recruiter and it sounds like a robot my ears help

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[2:59 am] – ok you lot are weird for crushing on eric and dylan. they were ugly asf fight me. mad disrespect for those young children they slaughtered. y'all a different breed i swear. imma make a post bashing their name every time i scroll through my feed and see a columbiner fan site cos im tired of thus debauchery.

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[1:07 am] — first thing i am going to do with my first pay check once i start work again is to buy lisa ray's book =)


31/08/2020

[11:16 pm] – thinking about my weird e-girl/nymphette phase. i looked hella weird walking out of the house with those outfits lol. i always got noticed too. people always said they wish they could dress up like me. i mean i know they were trying to say i'm weird but i lived for the attention. now i just want to fade in the crowd. i'm so tired of being seen all the time. i just wish i didn't feel like i always had the limelight, you know? i'm talking about being paranoid over being noticed.

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[10:20 pm] – made my third batch of clay and sweated a lot.

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[2:11 pm] – kind of want to change the colors of my site so it would be monotonous as opposed to being so colorful. i'm lazy tho so probs won't happen anytime soon.

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[12:26 pm] — how is it the 31st already? it's weird how fast time comes by these days.


30/08/2020

[6:02 pm] — i planned to get up and make hot choco 1 hour ago. why is it so hard?


27/08/2020

[4:32 pm] — just demolished a huge fucking plate of the carbonara i cooked wbu.


27/08/2020

[2:07 pm] – doing some online assessment bullshit on the other job i applied. it's hot as fuck in here.

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[9:32 am] – did not end up breaking my sobriety yesterday which i guess is a good thing. im watching vis a vis ep 12. this shit is heavy.


26/08/2020

[3:49 pm] – it's creeping on me, seeping through the crevices of my being... and soon i will pickle in the regret of my poor decisions. lmao what am i on about yolo fuck this shit i've got this.

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[1:19 pm] – about to break my four months of sobriety later. it's about to be lit.

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[8:06 am] i miss my favorite jacket that i got from the thrift store. this girl i worked with borrowed it and never gave it back. and then when i asked for it back she said it's hers now and continued to judge and talk down on me for choosing to work in hell hole.


25/08/2020

[12:57 pm] – feeling the music right now so i can stop being so anxious. "maybe this time i'll say something i been feeling for a while." those lyrics hit different. i love this song. i know i way overuse this section now but idrc and like what are you going to do about it lmao this my shit.

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[11:27 am] – god please call me back today so i can get it over with. i don't want to get my hopes up. i am fucking nervous as fuck now too.

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[10:04 am] – woke up at 5. had sleep paralysis. had a weird ass dream that i don't care to write about. it involved my sister as per usual. ugh the trauma these bitches caused me.


24/08/2020

[6:54 pm] – you're not nearly relevant enough for that mindset. night, i am off to sleep

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[11:48 am] – i'm giving vis a vis another chance. i'm on ep 07 now. it's fine so far. it is so fucked up though. what's even more fucked up is that i am so hot for both saray and zulema. zulema is so disgustingly evil but she's so hot.

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[8:23 am] – ugh avalance am i right? fuck im so gay. i can't get ava off my mind ashashsgsggss

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[6:46 am] – slept at 7 and woke up at 6 again. the pain in my back still won't leave me alone. it's worse when i tilt my head to the side ugh


23/08/2020

[1:44 pm] — my back hurts so fucking bad. probably from sleeping on my side without moving. lmao slept for 12 hours yesterday what did i expect


22/08/2020

[6:07 pm] i just remembered that lexie grey is dead and now i'm sad :(

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[7:54 am] [shrine updated] — currently obsessing over 'when i look at you' i love singing it

pernoctalian · when i look at 2 2nd attempt lmao

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[6:03 am] winner winner chicken dinner!!!


21/08/2020

pernoctalian · Max - when i look at you.m4a

[7:42 pm] – learned this song like 30 mins ago from a youtube video of tiktok compilations. i think i knew this song when i was a lot younger lol might make a longer cover when i actually know how to sing it fully.

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[2:21 pm] – apparently you have to double click the 📝 the first time for this box to appear. i don't fucking understand this whole javascript bullshit but it works (barely) so fuck it lmao.

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[1:52 pm] – should probably eat now. i don't feel like doing shit today ugh.

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[11:27 am] – did some homepage adjustments and updates im low key proud of that mobile version layout adjustment!!!!! i'm going to work on other pages now.

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[3:08 am] – i'm getting obsessed with watching juliantina compilations lol



20/08/2020

[2:04 pm] — i am so anxious about this shit it makes no sense.

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updated this whole shite because i was bored. i also deleted previous post entries so as to start anew. still the same functionality nonetheless wherein i just spew random bullshit.